me after running for one minute: i'm still alive, but i'm barely breathing

me: hey
friend: i have a boyfriend
me: whats up
friend: we totally made out last night
me: ok so how are you
friend: in love with my hot boyfriend
me: wow
friend: boyfriend

saintbennithy:

used-to-be-alright:

Sex is the weirdest thing because one person puts their protruding bit of flesh into a HOLE IN ANOTHER PERSON’S BODY and like rubs it around in there until genetic material is injected into that other person which combines with a DIFFERENT bit of genetic material and BECOMES ANOTHER PERSON like WHAT

(Source: plasticbag-middleclass, via procrastinatingfulltime)

Best friends…

lolsofunny:

They are there to be obnoxious with you…

…And to listen to your stupid stories.

They know how to cheer you up…

…And how to bring you down.

They know when you like someone…

…Or when you need to rebuild your self esteem.

Sometimes, they can be annoying…

Or just simply embarrassing…

But they will be always there for you, forever.

(via wtfsofunny)